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You have a tendency to spend too much time summarizing the plot--this is time when you could be advancing your argument.
It did, however, lack clarity and definition at some points.
Specifically, there are some concepts that you repeat throughout your paper but never define.
For example, you might spend more time talking about Millhauser's rationale--WHY does he think the monster should have been presented as a brutal beast throughout? Why is it better that Shelley shows the monster in terms of growth and progression?
You introduce this idea in your introduction, arguing that Shelley is deliberately playing with the reader's sympathies, for the monster and for Frankenstein. What is the effect of the reader's divided sympathies?
For example, look at this paragraph: [...] Everything that I've noted with square brackets is plot summary.
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The sentence that begins "Feeling rejected, the creature wanders away..." is borderline because you're making a judgment about the creature's motivations, but in general you shouldn't spend time repeating the events of the story.
It might help, too, to think about the overall message you want to convey.
Then make sure all of your details contribute to that message.
Below you will find a few suggestions for how to strengthen your writing during the revision process.
You wrote that your major concerns with your paper were "abstract prose" and "elementary points." I did not find your arguments to be too simplistic or "elementary," nor did your language seem too abstract.