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I guess I don’t quite count moving across the world to Singapore as “my own way”.Yes, I made the decision to take the career opportunity and move to a country I’d never been in my life and knew no one.Throughout my life, I’ve always had someone by my side.
Traveling solo for work the past two years helped with that. But I want to learn to love and be at peace with myself — when the commotion of these distractions has died down.
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I never knew how to describe how I felt in unfamiliar situations; all I knew was that I felt “awkward.” Some of the anxiety has subsided with age and practice. I despise walking into a work-related conference, knowing no one. What do I do if everyone is already talking in groups? What if people judge me for standing alone, on my own?
Weddings where I may not know anyone besides the bride/groom? I’ve hidden in a bathroom before to pass the time between my arrival and the ceremony starting, so I didn’t have to walk around by myself — or worse, strike up conversation with strangers.
The last time I went my own way, with no one and no friendship in tow, was when I packed up my post-high-school life and moved away for college.
As scary as that was, it brought some of the best years of my life.
Am I “independent” if I always keep there alongside me?
If I’m not forced to (as I may be in work-related situations), I would rather have a “security blanket” around me than face anxiety I feel in strange situations.
Or is it too small, where stepping over makes very little difference?
These considerations are important in my decision — because I am to rock my own boat, when the results may be for better or for worse.